"Write Down Everything You’re Feeling Right Now."

I am such a hungry beast. I want to take off all of my clothes, feel the cold surround me, hold me closer than anyone else will. I want to swim in the ocean, in all that dark. I want to run away and wake up somewhere two thousand miles away from here, watch the sun come up and feel okay. I don’t feel like sleeping. I want to take pictures of stars. I want to show my body to someone, to be close to something other than this couch. I haven’t slept in a bed in so long. I worry about small things. Right now, I am listening to the wind outside and everything sounds like a pulse. I want to break something. I want to punch and bite and kick. I am such an angry girl. I want to scream out and hear my voice echo back at me. I want to get lost. I want to be forgotten. Tonight, like most nights, I am so lonely. Sometimes, I think I’ll die from it. Sometimes, I spend weeks on end wishing to be in someone else’s skin. People die because of that, you know? I want to be bones and I want to not feel so ashamed. I want to have somebody that will stay. I want stay and yes and please. I want so much. Tonight, I want. I want and I want and I want. I can’t have any of it though. You are given what you are given and I am given ache, am learning that this is something that I must keep close. God, if there’s anything that we learn about ourselves, it’s how we handle these aches.